The Looming Fear

woman sitting in the rain

When I look in the mirror, I see my body exactly where it is at this moment. It’s not at its heaviest, or at it’s skinniest, but it’s beautiful, and it’s mine. And though I can accept myself as I am in this moment, I can also recognize the danger that lies ahead.

Like a dark cloud looms over a park in the spring, the fear of developing Type II Diabetes has loomed over me on my journey to body acceptance.

I guess I was in denial for a couple of years that body acceptance means more than taking yourself as you are and doing whatever the hell you want.  At some point my body acceptance turned into self neglect. Body acceptance means loving your appearance AND loving yourself enough to put your needs first. Including nourishing your body.

I don’t want to stigmatize Type II Diabetes, but I do want to say that if I can prevent myself from developing such a costly, life-altering, and life-threatening disease, I’m definitely going to. And that’s where I’m at right now.

For all of the times when my small indulgences turned into sugary binges, and my no gym todays turned into month-long hiatuses, that storming fear grew larger and larger.

Then in December, I woke up and realized that loving myself is incredibly difficult when I keep sabotaging my health.

So for 2017, I’ve been making some changes to combat that looming fear that’s overshadowed me for so long.

The sweet tooth I’ve been indulging for far too long, is now on time out for 2017. No more sugary sweets. My indulgences are the occasional piece of fruit or high fiber granola bar.

It’s not about losing a specific amount of weight or changing my appearance to fit society’s expectations. It’s about doing what I can to prevent a life time of finger pricks and medications. It’s about me. I’m at this turning point. Either I handle this now, or my fear will become my reality. And I just can’t let that happen.

I’m not doing this because I hate my body, I’m doing this because I love it. <3

I’m almost three weeks into the year, and I’m to the point where I’m not craving sugar. While I have lost a few pounds, I think what I’m most excited about is my skin clearing up, and not feeling obsessed with food.

2017 is going to be a year of true body acceptance for me, embracing where I am, and caring enough about this amazing gift I’ve been given to take care of it.

I’ve got the whole year ahead of me, and I’ll be updating Wellness, Darling along the way. I’d love it if you’d follow along! 🙂




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