So I guess I am a Tinder-er, well I was. Reluctantly so. The whole online dating thing is exhausting. You see a picture, decide that it suits your fancy, you strike up a converstaion with someone who decided that you suit their fancy. You ask about everything from their job to their past relationships, the music they listen to, the food they like… blah, blah, blah. And then you hope that you have enough of a connection to actually meet in person. And after that, you hope that the person you’re meeting isn’t going to murder you in an unlit parking lot, or turn out to be nothing as advertised.
So obviously, I didn’t head into the whole online dating thing with a super optomisitc perception. That being said, I have met, dated, and hung out with several very cool people from Tinder. As miserable as online dating is, there’s probably a small shred of hope somewhere within me that believes it’s all worth it. That shred of hope is most likely what led me to be Tindering at 11:30 p.m. on a Saturday.
Swiping my life away one superficial first impression after the next. I matched with a guy. He looked cute. His about section was well-written and made him sound like he was motivated and intelligent. All bonuses in the book of Lowery. I swiped right. We matched. Within a few minutes he sent me a message. A few exchanges into the conversation, it seemed like we were on the same page.
Now before I dive too far into this whole thing. I want to be VERY clear about something. I am not out to catfish anyone. I have full body pictures and I state that I am curvy. I have a very realistic perception of my body. I realize I am curvy, thick, chubby… Whatever “classification” society insists on giving my body. I don’t try to hide this. I mean, come on… I have a blog centered around this shit. Anywho…
So this guy. Let’s call him Kellen (name is changed, obvi). We’re chatting… He’s asking my views on random things. Then I asked him what he looks for in a woman. Now… this question usually goes two ways. Either the guy talks about personality traits or the guy talks about not wanting a fat chick. This isn’t my first rodeo, guys. I knew what I was walking into. There was a 50% chance that this was gonna work out.
His response (this is a direct quote), “As long as you have a nice booty and legs, and not completely overweight or obese, I’ll be attracted to you.”
Oh dear. OK. So being the realistic individual that I am… I responded, “My legs aren’t super nice, and I’m definitely curvy. I guess your search for a woman continues.”
Unfortunately the exchange did not end there…. Here’s the rest of the conversation:
OK. Well… This conversation wasn’t fun for me. This guy was an ass.
Now, if you like slender girls, good for you. That’s wonderful. All women have different qualities that are beautiful and some men prefer certain qualities over others. That’s fine. However.. and this is a BIG HOWEVER, at no point does anyone ever have any right to tell another person that they would be better or more desirable if they looked a certain way. If someone isn’t your taste, move on. If they are too fat, too skinny for your liking, that’s fine. But don’t for one second try to tell them that just because they aren’t your taste doesn’t mean they can’t find someone who loves and respects them as they are. Don’t you dare.
This guy was obviously a jerk. Again, not because he wasn’t into my body type, but because he wanted me to believe that I would look prettier if I fit his perception of beauty.
We are not dolls customized to the preferences of men. We aren’t built for pleasing society. We are humans. We get to choose how we want to look. We get to choose who enjoys the pleasure of our company, the grace of our beauty. Don’t let narrow-minded individuals try to convince you otherwise.
I haven’t heard from Kellen again. Which is good. This conversation upset me. In fact, I drove to the gym and cried in the parking lot when I realized it was closed. But in that awful moment I decided that no one gets to make me feel like that. Especially someone who doesn’t want to take the time to know me as a person.
My body is incredible. I am incredible. And if you are reading this, you are incredible too. <3.